7/10/06

// feeling :: full
// prayer for :: them

Today, I had a lot of thoughts on my mind on the way home from church. I thought abt many, many things. This entry will be sort of a relfective entry...

• Mike & Belle

They are going through emotional crisis right now. I feel for them. I may not fully understand and comprehend what they're going through, but I hate seeing the damage its doing to their friendships and to themselves. I love them but I cant seem to do anyth to help them. I dont want to be a useless sister.

• Bryan

Belle and I saw him while walking to Hall 8. We didnt exchange greetings. I realise the mental effect the "disagreement" had on our friendship. I dont know whats the next step, but I want to do something about it. I dont wish to awkwardly walk past each other like that ever again.

I've been praying about it and all. I hope that somehow God will show me what I should do next. I want to believe before I see the miracle, not see the miracle before I believe.

• God

I thought about my relationship with God. Why did I even think about compromising spending time with Him, and using that time to do my art instead?

I'm glad Sis Cat encouraged me to go for svc. If she didnt call me, I would've missed today's and tmr's svc. And I knew then and there that if that ever happened, I would slowly backslide. But I still didnt want to go. I forgot my precious date with my Daddy God.

Today in svc, I was sitting next to Sis Cat. Wahju, a successful church member said this during his testimony, "if you give time to God, God will give time to you." At first, I didnt understand. But I saw Sis Cat turning to look at me. Then, I understood.

He spoke to me. I knew then and there that I made the right decision in coming for svc. I was pressed for time for my art, but if I honor God and set aside time for Him, He will work a miracle and give me enough time to finish my art on time, in both quantity and quality! Praise God!

• My outer appearance/ impressions

I looked at myself in the train and re-evaluated myself. I realised I do dress like a guy. Except for my long hair and of cos, other female features, I'm a guy. I look, walk, and talk like one.

Gosh I hate it -.- I really decided that I must change myself outwardly (of course, inwardly is still the most important) for the glory of God. I cant go ard looking like a guy and talking like a guy. I'm sick n tired of hearing cracks about how I'm "not" a girl.

So after I finish my 'O' lvls, I'm going for a small extreme makeover. I should be an example of how a woman of God should look like, amen?

• him

At the busstop, after Belle left, I continued to sit there. I thought about him. As I was thinking, God showed me a senario. I wun say it here la cuz its embarrassing. But the bottomline is, I'm not the one who chooses who is right for me. God chooses. And in fact, He alr did.

So enough with the "I plan things myself" and start thinking, acting and showing "God is my planner".

• My responsibilities.

Something unexpected happened that changed my whole cell group life. I was given a bigger responsibility.

At first, I was excited. I became proud and over-confident. When the hard part came, I just recoiled and pretend that I'm not involved.

Have you ever seen such irresponsible behavior? At that time, I seemed to love myself more than God, and I seemed to work for myself and not God. Its time I get everything in the right order, and its time I started serving God wholeheartedly and loving others fervently!

If you give God time, God will give you time.

Thanks Sis Cat for opening up my eyes.